Throughout my life I’ve always felt I was in a race against time. As a child I wanted to be the first, or the best, hoping I might get the positive attention and limelight I often hungered for. As a teen, I just wanted to be older, more mature, more independent. As a young adult I couldn’t wait to graduate, get a job, get engaged, and get married. As a young professional, I wanted to get promoted and make more money, have a seat at the table and be seen as a leader. I was always striving to do more and be more as fast as I could before time ran out.

After Larsen was born, I was faced with the harsh reality that maintaining the pace of growth I had set out for myself was not only going to be hard, but it would force me to sacrifice parts of myself I hadn’t been prepared to give up. I wanted it all – the job, the husband, the family, the house, the success, the social life, the opportunities. I wanted to appear like I had it all together and was hustling my way through life like the #girlboss I strived to be. I didn’t know how to say “no” to the unessential parts of life, because to me they were all essential. I didn’t know how to slow down and dedicate my time and attention to my new bundle of joy, because it felt like in doing so, I was losing precious time and might fall behind everyone else. Fall behind how? I couldn’t say. But each day I spent at home on maternity leave felt like I was slowly losing a race I was never intended to win in the first place.

Looking back, I realize I have always been someone who likely struggled with anxiety. But after giving birth to Larsen, it felt as if a damn was breaking inside me. I struggled with intense emotions ranging from heavy sadness to crushing anxiety, smiling one moment and sobbing the next. I was so unbelievably happy to have finally become a mom, while equally overwhelmed with all that motherhood entailed. I sought help after a few weeks of suffering through the highs and lows, only to be told “This is just baby blues. It’s very normal.” I felt a lack of validation and didn’t receive any formal support, but thankfully the new mom group I was part of helped keep me afloat at a time when I felt I was drowning. I was technically doing fine, so I pushed through the heavy mud of new motherhood, because everyone else was doing the same and who was I to complain?

A year or so later, my anxiety became so unbearable that I sought help again. I was told by the doctor that she saw a lot of women like me – high-achieving, ambitious mothers who gave it their all at work and at home but felt overwhelmed by the heaviness of it all. She made it seem like I had joined some trendy club or had hit a major milestone as a woman. “Congrats, Heather! You’ve made it! You’ve taken on so much in life and you care so much about success, that we’ll reward you with a prescription of meds that women everywhere are taking!” I left with a pill bottle and guidance to check back in a few months. As Glennon Doyle once said, “Jesus loves me yes I know, for he gave me Lexapro!”

Another year later, I found myself drowning in anxiety and depression, constantly rubbing my chest in hopes I could release the tension that permanently resided there. The COVID-19 pandemic and my mom’s stage 4 cancer diagnosis hit my family with such force, that the pressure of emotions and anxieties became too unbearable to contain. It felt like every emotion I had ever experienced throughout my lifetime was bubbling to the surface, begging to get out.   

So, in August of 2020, I started therapy. I found a therapist who would offer me endless empathy with a side of sarcasm. Someone who would listen for hours on end, never judging me or telling me what I needed to fix, but instead offering me another way of seeing the world so that I could better understand myself in it. My therapist helped me through some of the darkest moments of my life – both past and present. She listened, I learned. We both cried – a lot. We laughed a lot too.

For five years, my therapist helped me to slowly untangle the knots of lies and mistruths that had guided my life for far too long. Painful memories resurfaced and were navigated with care. Hard lessons were relearned with fresh perspectives and new insights. As past and present challenges threatened to wreak havoc on my life and mental health, my therapist created space for me to be honest with myself and those around me. In many ways, I feel as if my experience in therapy was like receiving an education on myself. Learning to accept who I am, and letting go of who I am not. Realizing that the story others wish to tell me, or even the story I sometimes tell myself, is not one that I have to live by. I am in control, but I am also not able to control it all. Learning the difference became my greatest lesson in life.

I cannot change the reality that my mother died far too young, but I can choose to live my life unapologetically in the way she had always taught me to. I can be ashamed that I no longer trust myself to drink responsibly after years of abusing alcohol to numb my emotional pain. Or I can be proud of overcoming a habit that poisoned my body and mind and offered me little comfort for the price of my wellbeing. I can judge my accomplishments and success in life against the accomplishments and success of others, or I can recognize that my worth in this world is not, and never will be, determined by my salary, my title or the accumulation of stuff around me.

During those five years spent in therapy, I learned to let a lot of things go. It felt as if I was shedding my old self, releasing the weight of what no longer served me, leaving behind a stronger more resilient Heather. Though there were times along this journey from 2020-2025, where I truly believed I would not make it to the other side, I knew deep down that getting through the dark and uncomfortable was the only way through. It’s like that old nursery rhyme, “Going on a Bear Hunt,” you can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, you can’t go around it – you’ve gotta go through it.

And boy, did we go through it.

We have officially hit one year of living abroad in New Zealand. I’ve spent the past week re-reading blog posts and diary entries from the final days back home and our first few months after arrival, and I was reminded how deeply painful some of this journey has been. But I can honestly say, even knowing what I know now, I would do it all over again. I realize that sounds a bit facetious, and to be clear, I wouldn’t WANT to do it all again. It was fucking hell. But it was also incredibly beautiful and fulfilling and absolutely worth it. And anything worth having often requires a bit of work.

When I think of what we’ve gained since moving to New Zealand, what comes to mind first is hope. I didn’t realize how absent hope had been in my life until it started to reappear. Watching Larsen transform into a brave, confident, adventurous girl who can move to a new country, make friends everywhere she goes, and excel both academically and socially gives me immense hope for her future. Overcoming our fears, taking on the greatest challenge of our marriage, and coming out the other side feeling closer and more connected than ever before, gives me hope that Austin and I no longer have to live in fear of the “what ifs.” Before leaving the country, someone asked me “What if New Zealand doesn’t work out? What if it gets worse over there too?” I remember feeling a bit of fear then, not sure what we would do if that happened. But now I know that whatever happens, we will find our way. As Larsen once put it to me, “Our family can do anything!”

New Zealand has taught me so much in just one short year, that I feel so excited and hopeful for what is yet to come. And in honor of our one-year anniversary, I’m eager to share a few “lessons” I’ve learned along the way. They are by no means ground-breaking, and they are likely lessons you’ve heard before. But for me, they have changed my life over the last 12 months.

#1 – Find joy in the little things   

Life in New Zealand is slower, quieter and all about the little things. Back in the states, life was driven by the hustle and bustle – being busy was a way of life. Here we have found that even in the middle of the largest city, life moves at a slower pace. My commute to work gives me space to sit with my thoughts, listen to music or observe the passengers around me.  I look forward to watching the sun rise behind Rangitoto island and seeing the black swans floating near the mangroves in the harbor as the bus crosses the bridge into the city. Sure, it can be cold or rainy in the mornings walking to the bus stop, but without that five-minute walk I would never hear the morning tuis waking in the trees or get a visit from the shy neighborhood cats that roam freely through the bushes.

I find myself smiling whenever I hear Larsen singing Māori songs she learned at school, or I hear a hint of a Kiwi accent when she asks us a question. I love watching Larsen’s soccer team pick a “player of the day” on the opposing team each week or hearing parents cheer for their kids in various languages (Korean, German, Portuguese) knowing we’re all from somewhere different, but our love for soccer and family is the same.

And while we’ve had many incredible adventures, exploring the mountains and beaches across the country, some of our best moments as a family have been spent playing soccer in our backyard, cooking new recipes together in the kitchen, or doing “pizza and movie night” every Friday at home. It’s all these little moments that have brought us closer together and bring us the most joy.  

#2 – We’re all in this together

Sustainability is not just a social value or political talking point; it is a way of life. Plastic is rare and uncommon, whereas reusable, recyclable or compostable products are standard. In my office, for example, the café will only serve drinks in your own personal thermos or an Auckland Council mug that you return after use. While grocery and retail stores have paper bags for purchase, it’s common practice to bring your own bags. Even at places like Kmart (or the New Zealand Target as I call it), you either buy a bag or you leave with your products in hand. In addition to weekly rubbish and recycle collection, a third bin for food scraps helps divert waste from landfills and is collected weekly from the street. Little routine choices can make a big difference when we do them collectively.  

Protecting the environment and ecology here is a priority that most in the community honor. When an invasive species of wasps was discovered in Auckland last Spring, threatening the local bee population, the community came together to help tackle the issue. Over 18,000 inquiries were made, helping the government identify and remove 77 queen hornets and 133 nests, with no new hornets being discovered since early April 2026. At work, I attended a community engagement session in which 40 Aucklanders came together to help Auckland Council determine the best way to remove harmful pest plants from private homeowner land in an effort to protect the natural ecosystem. Despite the various political views of the group, everyone agreed protecting the ecosystem was essential.

And just today, while scrolling through Instagram, I saw an opportunity to help create a sunflower field just down the road from our home. In 2023, Auckland experienced one of the worst floods in history (known as the Auckland Anniversary floods). Four people died, thousands were forced to evacuate, and hundreds of homes were damaged. Milford was one of the hardest hit areas, with around 160 homes deemed high-risk and removed, forcing families to relocate. While the city works on a long-term plan for this area, local groups have gained permission to bring beauty back to these sites through the planting of flowers and fruit trees. Rather than leave the grassy site empty, the community is coming together to restore beauty and offer a nice little space for the local birds and bees to play.

#3 – Rain or shine, get outside

When I asked Larsen what are some of her favorite things about living in New Zealand, her answer was “The weather, the environment, my school, friends, and the land.” Can’t argue with that! It’s undeniable that New Zealand is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. The mountains, beaches, and forests are unbelievable. Google search “waterfalls near me” and you’ll be given a multitude of options within less than an hour drive. But one thing I love most is that regardless of the season, the land is lush and colorful.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved living in a place that offered variety throughout the seasons, but when you spend half the year living without green grass, lush trees, flowers and wildlife, it can make winters feel drab and dreary. Winter in New Zealand certainly brings cooler temperatures and some barren trees, but the majority of the landscape remains vibrant, with winter flowers blooming in all colors. Being able to enjoy the outside 365 days a year without too much fuss is something I have really grown to enjoy.

Even on the rainiest or coldest of days, you’ll see Kiwis walking the beach with their dog or running down the stretch of road between Takapuna and Milford. It doesn’t matter what Mother Nature brings, Kiwis are destined to get outside and enjoy the beautiful landscape they call home. The milder climate also means outdoor sports are year-round, keeping Larsen (and us) active. In the fall, Larsen enjoyed tennis and futsal. Winter brought us netball and soccer. With spring around the corner, Larsen is prepped to take on another round of netball while also trying a new sport, field hockey. By the time summer rolls around, we’ll be back at it with soccer camps and trips to the beach.

 One of my hopes when we first moved here was to become more active as a family, and I’m proud to say we’ve all made progress on that goal. While Larsen is busy embracing all the sports, I have enjoyed walking every inch of our neighborhood (and then some), finding every possible park to walk or hike within 10 kilometers. Austin is always up for a trip to the tennis court or nearby soccer field for some fun, and is even looking into joining an adult soccer league at the Takapuna Football Club. Does that make me both a soccer mom and a WAG? 

There are many more lessons we’ve learned along the way, but I’m worried the length of this post has lost you all already. It feels a bit impossible to sum up our year in a simple blog post, and I know there is much I have left unsaid. We often get asked “What has changed most?” or “Was it worth it making the move?” and it can be both easy and hard to answer these questions. What has changed most? Everything. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t who we always have been or that we’ve changed completely in the matter of a year. Was it worth it making the move? Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean we don’t miss our family and friends and grieve the loss of our old life.

What I do know is this – we are better off today than we were a year ago. Larsen is happier and more confident than I have ever seen her. The intense anxiety I carried back home has started to feel like a past nightmare that no longer haunts me. I am taking one less anxiety medication than before and have decreased my other medication by half. I’m on a path to getting off anxiety medication completely (with help from my doctors), and have managed to eliminate some of the intense back pain that was causing me such anguish. I’m reading more and doom scrolling less. I care little about my job title, my salary, or the car I drive. I’m less concerned about the clothes I wear or what others think of me. I truly feel that I have found the best version of myself, and I bet Austin and Larsen would say the same about themselves. As a whole, we are happier and healthier than we’ve ever been. And honestly, what more is there to say besides – thank you.

Thank you for reading this blog. Thank you for checking in via text, email or FaceTime. Thank you for sending us love from afar or gifts in the mail. Thank you for supporting us on this journey and remaining a part of our community, despite the time-difference and ocean between us. We feel immense gratitude to be surrounded by such love.

So much has happened since our last update, so see below for updates on our most recent adventures and a look at how we celebrated our big one-year milestone!